Hello Beauties!
It has been a long time since I've posted anything, due to a lot of inner work and practice. This island, the school and our sweet, little mountain bungalow has become a home for me and it feels so good. Just a couple days ago we got out of a 10 day silent retreat, The Revelation of the Spiritual Heart. A truly impressive experience on many levels. Logan and I slept in different places, ate on our own and didn't interact at all including eye contact. I have never felt so blessed to be still, so relaxed in myself. I woke every morning a 5:30, made my green smoothie and trucked a mile down the hill to the meditation halls. We started the ten days with 7 hours of meditation with 5 minute breaks every hour and worked up to 2 and 3 hour meditations towards the end of the retreat. I would find myself with some anxiety and fear upon entering the longer stints and soon realize - ahhh, it's just me, just God, nothing to fear here. :) The focus was on the Spiritual Heart - the door that each of us holds within our being that connects with the divine. We learned many beautiful techniques and I experienced some purely blissful states, but that was not the real gem in the experience. The gem was the realization that I have this within me, always available and it is like caring home around with me. It is my most essential nature and everything is born and dissolves within it, my ego, my body, my car, the stars and moon. I really could feel how we are completely alone because there is only one - nothing exists outside of this oneness.
Now I am in Mystical Bellydance 2 workshop and feeling quite challenged with the transition. We literally concluded the retreat at 10 pm on Sunday and I started shimming on Monday at 9 am. One of the worst headaches I've ever had followed directly after some pelvic thrusting and horribly loud bollywood music. I was on the verge of dropping out last night but I awoke with a new perspective - SURRENDER.

I've had a challenging past couple of days. Turns out the 90 day visa that we bought in the US before comming to Thailand is only a 60 day visa that everyone upon arriving here recieves free. Our current situation is that we have overstayed our visa almost one month and the penalty for that is about 15 dollars a day - ouch. We need to get out of the country ASAP to avoid further penalty but unfortunately we have a yoga exam comming in a few days that we cannot miss. On top of this stress and dissappointment I gave myself a nasty leg burn on our motorcycle muffler -ouch again. I stayed up half the night feeling bitter, icing my leg and listening to Life After Death on my ipod to put everything into perspective.
Today my view has shifted and I honestly feel quite grateful that this is all so minor in terms of what could be happening. I can use this experience as a means of practicing my detachment and surrender to life. What will I allow to distract me from my inner peace and practice? Not this! I choose acceptance and gratitude.

I am currently riding the waves of an amazing Mystical Bellydance workshop. I feel as if my entire being is vibrating and humming so loud and pure. Not to mention my hips - I have not had a workout like this in months! I am completely inspired! The workshop consists of a very technical, aerobic aspect - meaning we dance up a storm for hours at a time, and a more refined, spiritual aspect. There are meditations throughout the day and many heart opening excercises. I really feel the unique essence of every woman in the workshop is being evoked. Since there are no mirrors in the temple where we dance, we are all mirrors to eachother. As you can imagine this brings up many insecurities, but since we are recieving eachother with such love and acceptance they just wash away. I feel very called to hold a safe, sacred space like this for women in the future. My little mind is dreaming up all kinds of beautiful things....truth be told - nothing could be more important or more beautiful than this exact moment. love love LOVE

I sit in gratitude - deep, brilliant gratitude. Is this really my life? Is this real? Do I actually live in tropical paradise and have the freedom and grace of opening to self, to God if you will, in a deeper way everyday? Yes!
I dreamt last night and then I awoke within the dream. I became aware that I was in a dream and even more amazingly I became so deeply aware of how tangible and real the realm was. I remember walking down this beautiful path and really feeling the soft soil beneath my bare feet and really seeing the array of tropical plants around me. I would pass people and tell them enthusiastically, "this is a dream!"

I have been in a whirlwind of activity and beauty this past week. Dirk and Dakmar came and went. It was very sweet to spend time with them and it feels good to know that they will bring back a little slice of the Koh Phangan experience for all of you to taste. Sean is here and loving it. I think the island's charm has worked on him and he already talks of spending a 2nd month. We have made a handful of good friends and I am connecting more and more into the community of Agama everyday. Logan and I (and Sean) just completed a 5 day Tantra workshop. It was totally transformational and probably not what most of you think of when you here the word tantra. Like yoga it is a word that has been greatly misunderstood and misused in the west. It is a genuine path to enlightenment through the experience of love and bliss.
Logan and I started level 3 this month. It is demanding greater discipline and commitment to our individual practices which feels really great. We are about to go shopping for our Mexican themed potluck we are hosting on Sunday. There are no avocados to speak of, but we will try! Logan is a total alchemist perfecting his coconut yogurt and cheesecake for the party. Love you all - more later.

Sean is here! Dirk is comming! Life is beautiful! I feel lately like I can stand back from what I'm doing and just watch instead of being in the front row all the time. Its like turning the auto-pilot off or just noticing that its been on. I start to see life as this joyous, complex dream, with a continual unfolding of magic tricks and crazy performers.
This past week has been really good. Koh Samui was a lot of fun. We ate like we had never eaten before. Indulged in chocolate on a bi-daily schedule and even got to know the island a bit through the eyes of a local. The island is way more happening and touristy and honestly trashed than what I expected. It made me really grateful to return to Koh Phagan where the pace is slower, the food is cheaper and the beaches cleaner.
The next couple days should be pretty hectic with family and yoga and I am totally ready for it. My yoga practice feels like it is taking quantum leaps, but on a much more subtle level. Its not that my body is changing that much. Its more that my concentration is growing and my awarness of energetic frequencies is becomming more refined. It feels amazing.

I now sit in Nira's bakery in Thongsala banking on the free internet. It's one of the few European joints on the island where one can enjoy a soy latte and vegan cupcake. :) Logan, Russel and myself will be heading to Koh Samui in about an hour for a 2 day adventure. Russel has an old friend who owns a retreat center there who will be picking us up at the ferry and I imagine showing us the island. I believe we will even be going to see Avatar there - Koh Phangan doesn't have a movie theatre and I've got to see what all the hype is about.
When we return to Koh Phangan we will be beginning a very heavy yoga regiment. Since we all missed 10 days of level 1 during the silent retreat we will attempt to complete all the classes while doing level 2. That means 3 days a week we will practice yoga from 8-11 in the morning then 12:30-3:30 in the afternoon then 4-8 in the evening. I ask myself - when will I eat?! The other 3 days we will be in class only for the morning and evening session which is still a 7 hour commitment.
Logan and I have decided that we will stay here for the month of February to deep our practice. Part of me feels ready to go check something else out and head to northern Thailand and then into Laos when our visa expires at the end of Feb. I was actually quite conflicted about the decision until I did a meditation on it. I saw that the part of me that wants to go adventure is the part that is never fully content with anything. It is the part that is always seeking a slightly better or more entertaining experience and therefore distracts me from the present perfection of the current moment. The guidance I was received said, be still.

Hello Beauties,
I know it has been a long time since I last posted and this will be a short one since I've got only a minute. I just want to let everyone know I'm doing wonderfully. The cleanse was a very intense experience, far more challenging than the meditation retreat, but deeply rewarding. I feel my entire instrument is so clean and singing! We are slowly integrating whole, raw foods into our diet which is such a delight to enjoy. We are all awaiting the arrival of Sean and Dirk with open arms.
Love you all - I will write more soon...

I am in the process of integrating the revelations and peace I experienced during the retreat. The warm and fuzzy feelings have died down, but the inner space is just as available. I am commited to cultivating it by meditating twice a day for the next 40 days even if it is only for 10 minutes. We went into the biggest city on Koh Phangan, Thongsala, today to restock on fresh produce and I was shocked by how overwhelming it was. I found myself not wanting to barter for food anymore yet frustrated because I thought I was getting ripped off. My perception of a rip off has drastically changed since arriving to Thailand. 15 cents for a lime - you have got to be kidding me! God, I've got to laugh at myself! Obviously, what are pennies to me are substantial for a hard working Thai woman. I aspire to be more graceful and compassionate and interactions like this one bring up a couple red flags on a more subtle level. It really feels good to give and thats all there is to it! It's my choice moment to moment to feel frustrated or peaceful. :)
Tomorrow is a really big day for Logan and myself. We are moving to a new home, starting level two at Agama and beginning a 9 day cleanse. I am truly thrilled about all of it! The place we found is so gorgeous. It is tucked away up in the mountains, away from the road which has become relentlessly noisy and smelly at our beach bungalow. It overlooks the ocean and on a clear day you can see Koh Samui. There was actually thought and taste put into designing it which is very rare in Thailand. The whole structure is make of this beautiful dark wood, the ceilings are high and even some nice artwork hangs on the walls. There is only one room, but it is spacious with big windows and a mosquitoe net - very key. There is a massive deck that serves as a gorgeous place for yoga, mediation, dance, entertaining and of course cooking. The kitchen is also on the deck, but we have a hot water shower! (Even if it is heated by electricity.)
Next exciting thing on my list is the cleanse which starts with a 2 day light liver flush and then a 7 day colon flush. I will spare you all the gory details. ;) Im a little timid about doing yoga while cleansing because from past experience it can be quite an exhausting, emotional thing, but I feel optimisitic. Level 2 is very different from the first month since it is only 3 days a week during the afternoon. We are expected and encouraged to create our own daily practice and we can still join the level 1 practice for free. That brings me to some really cool things that I have learned about the school. First of all none of the teachers are paid - they do it for the love of it. And secondly, a student can repeat the levels, classes and lectures that they have already done as many times as they want free of charge. Sounds good, huh. You Ojai folks would love it here.

Today is my first day out of silence and I feel transformed. I feel like my whole being has been pulled apart piece by piece and recreated. Silence was surprisingly easy and even blissful. I see that there is little need for words so much of the time. More importantly how powerful our words are and how I have no desire to utter ones that do not serve a helpful, expanding purpose. In my heart I feel all of you loved ones so close and I pray that we continue to awaken to the depth of our own beauty. Love is where we come from and where we are going and I know we all "know" that, but to experience it is incredible! I am very much in a process of cleaning house. I see the power of my beliefs and I am ready to let go of the ones that aren't empowering. At same time I have this wonderful opprotunity to re-affirm my beliefs about myself and the world at large.
I have fallen in love with Agama Yoga. I want to stay here perhaps for my entire trip. Logan, Russel and I are having a mutual experience of finding another home here. We are all signing up for month 2 of the program and taking it one month at a time.
During the night of New Year's Eve (last day of retreat) we stayed up all night long in meditation blessing each country as it came into the new year. It is the most powerful moment of the whole year to make intentions since there is so much global energy and enthusiasm. I hope you all had wonderful celebrations!