Hello Beauties!
It has been a long time since I've posted anything, due to a lot of inner work and practice. This island, the school and our sweet, little mountain bungalow has become a home for me and it feels so good. Just a couple days ago we got out of a 10 day silent retreat, The Revelation of the Spiritual Heart. A truly impressive experience on many levels. Logan and I slept in different places, ate on our own and didn't interact at all including eye contact. I have never felt so blessed to be still, so relaxed in myself. I woke every morning a 5:30, made my green smoothie and trucked a mile down the hill to the meditation halls. We started the ten days with 7 hours of meditation with 5 minute breaks every hour and worked up to 2 and 3 hour meditations towards the end of the retreat. I would find myself with some anxiety and fear upon entering the longer stints and soon realize - ahhh, it's just me, just God, nothing to fear here. :) The focus was on the Spiritual Heart - the door that each of us holds within our being that connects with the divine. We learned many beautiful techniques and I experienced some purely blissful states, but that was not the real gem in the experience. The gem was the realization that I have this within me, always available and it is like caring home around with me. It is my most essential nature and everything is born and dissolves within it, my ego, my body, my car, the stars and moon. I really could feel how we are completely alone because there is only one - nothing exists outside of this oneness.
Now I am in Mystical Bellydance 2 workshop and feeling quite challenged with the transition. We literally concluded the retreat at 10 pm on Sunday and I started shimming on Monday at 9 am. One of the worst headaches I've ever had followed directly after some pelvic thrusting and horribly loud bollywood music. I was on the verge of dropping out last night but I awoke with a new perspective - SURRENDER.

I've had a challenging past couple of days. Turns out the 90 day visa that we bought in the US before comming to Thailand is only a 60 day visa that everyone upon arriving here recieves free. Our current situation is that we have overstayed our visa almost one month and the penalty for that is about 15 dollars a day - ouch. We need to get out of the country ASAP to avoid further penalty but unfortunately we have a yoga exam comming in a few days that we cannot miss. On top of this stress and dissappointment I gave myself a nasty leg burn on our motorcycle muffler -ouch again. I stayed up half the night feeling bitter, icing my leg and listening to Life After Death on my ipod to put everything into perspective.
Today my view has shifted and I honestly feel quite grateful that this is all so minor in terms of what could be happening. I can use this experience as a means of practicing my detachment and surrender to life. What will I allow to distract me from my inner peace and practice? Not this! I choose acceptance and gratitude.

I am currently riding the waves of an amazing Mystical Bellydance workshop. I feel as if my entire being is vibrating and humming so loud and pure. Not to mention my hips - I have not had a workout like this in months! I am completely inspired! The workshop consists of a very technical, aerobic aspect - meaning we dance up a storm for hours at a time, and a more refined, spiritual aspect. There are meditations throughout the day and many heart opening excercises. I really feel the unique essence of every woman in the workshop is being evoked. Since there are no mirrors in the temple where we dance, we are all mirrors to eachother. As you can imagine this brings up many insecurities, but since we are recieving eachother with such love and acceptance they just wash away. I feel very called to hold a safe, sacred space like this for women in the future. My little mind is dreaming up all kinds of beautiful things....truth be told - nothing could be more important or more beautiful than this exact moment. love love LOVE

I sit in gratitude - deep, brilliant gratitude. Is this really my life? Is this real? Do I actually live in tropical paradise and have the freedom and grace of opening to self, to God if you will, in a deeper way everyday? Yes!
I dreamt last night and then I awoke within the dream. I became aware that I was in a dream and even more amazingly I became so deeply aware of how tangible and real the realm was. I remember walking down this beautiful path and really feeling the soft soil beneath my bare feet and really seeing the array of tropical plants around me. I would pass people and tell them enthusiastically, "this is a dream!"

I have been in a whirlwind of activity and beauty this past week. Dirk and Dakmar came and went. It was very sweet to spend time with them and it feels good to know that they will bring back a little slice of the Koh Phangan experience for all of you to taste. Sean is here and loving it. I think the island's charm has worked on him and he already talks of spending a 2nd month. We have made a handful of good friends and I am connecting more and more into the community of Agama everyday. Logan and I (and Sean) just completed a 5 day Tantra workshop. It was totally transformational and probably not what most of you think of when you here the word tantra. Like yoga it is a word that has been greatly misunderstood and misused in the west. It is a genuine path to enlightenment through the experience of love and bliss.
Logan and I started level 3 this month. It is demanding greater discipline and commitment to our individual practices which feels really great. We are about to go shopping for our Mexican themed potluck we are hosting on Sunday. There are no avocados to speak of, but we will try! Logan is a total alchemist perfecting his coconut yogurt and cheesecake for the party. Love you all - more later.

Sean is here! Dirk is comming! Life is beautiful! I feel lately like I can stand back from what I'm doing and just watch instead of being in the front row all the time. Its like turning the auto-pilot off or just noticing that its been on. I start to see life as this joyous, complex dream, with a continual unfolding of magic tricks and crazy performers.
This past week has been really good. Koh Samui was a lot of fun. We ate like we had never eaten before. Indulged in chocolate on a bi-daily schedule and even got to know the island a bit through the eyes of a local. The island is way more happening and touristy and honestly trashed than what I expected. It made me really grateful to return to Koh Phagan where the pace is slower, the food is cheaper and the beaches cleaner.
The next couple days should be pretty hectic with family and yoga and I am totally ready for it. My yoga practice feels like it is taking quantum leaps, but on a much more subtle level. Its not that my body is changing that much. Its more that my concentration is growing and my awarness of energetic frequencies is becomming more refined. It feels amazing.

I now sit in Nira's bakery in Thongsala banking on the free internet. It's one of the few European joints on the island where one can enjoy a soy latte and vegan cupcake. :) Logan, Russel and myself will be heading to Koh Samui in about an hour for a 2 day adventure. Russel has an old friend who owns a retreat center there who will be picking us up at the ferry and I imagine showing us the island. I believe we will even be going to see Avatar there - Koh Phangan doesn't have a movie theatre and I've got to see what all the hype is about.
When we return to Koh Phangan we will be beginning a very heavy yoga regiment. Since we all missed 10 days of level 1 during the silent retreat we will attempt to complete all the classes while doing level 2. That means 3 days a week we will practice yoga from 8-11 in the morning then 12:30-3:30 in the afternoon then 4-8 in the evening. I ask myself - when will I eat?! The other 3 days we will be in class only for the morning and evening session which is still a 7 hour commitment.
Logan and I have decided that we will stay here for the month of February to deep our practice. Part of me feels ready to go check something else out and head to northern Thailand and then into Laos when our visa expires at the end of Feb. I was actually quite conflicted about the decision until I did a meditation on it. I saw that the part of me that wants to go adventure is the part that is never fully content with anything. It is the part that is always seeking a slightly better or more entertaining experience and therefore distracts me from the present perfection of the current moment. The guidance I was received said, be still.